?

Log in

No account? Create an account
So apparently I'm moving to Austin. Who ever thought I'd be a Texan?

I'm exciiiiited!!!

Writer's Block: Ready for my close-up

If you could make a cameo appearance on a TV show, which show would you choose, and what type of character would you play?

True Blood. And the type that gets to make the fuck out with Eric Northman. Preferably while he is shirtless. Or completely nekkid.

That...would just be the best. Just the best.

Writer's Block: Kanye West's Tweet Apology

How do you feel about Kanye West admitting his past mistakes and apologizing to Taylor Swift on Twitter? Is he trying to win hearts back?

I think Kanye West is a handsome gentleman and right 100% of the time. There was no apology needed.
I need to stop getting involved with people who don't want to commit to an official relationship...and then sticking around despite knowing that this is the case.

I'm starting to believe I'm just intrinsically undateable, when really I'm just wasting my time and breaking my own heart.

Fuck.

Maybe I should see a therapist.

Returning

So after reading glass_metric 's How Like A Human I experienced a great urge to play through Kingdom Hearts again.

Which I am currently doing. And which, of course, gave me a great urge to continue my fics. I always get little urges every once in a while, because some of the scenes and storylines I'd planned out for them seem really exciting to write, or are very close to my heart...but these have been passing, and I've moved on to focusing on my original works much more.

In many ways, I feel like that's a very good thing. I can't really fully express myself, or improve my writing if I focus on characters that are not truly my own, or situations I don't really know everything about.

But...now that I've been re-playing KH...those urges won't leave me alone. And I don't think they will for a while...either I will spend some time on them and then everything will kind of fade out like it did last time, or these things will not leave me alone until they have been written and are out of my system.

Either way, I'll have some fun and I'm sure after a looooong "hiatus" (not a fan of that term...) my fans will be excited to see some updates...

So I'm off to go read through my old plans, rework them a bit, re-read some of my fics...and see what's to be done about that.

Writer's Block: Do-over!

If you were given a life do-over card, would you keep it or give it to a friend? If you kept it, would you prefer to be born to the same or different parents? Would you want to keep your memories?

I wouldn't want to do my life over. While I do have some regrets, I have learned from them, and all of the things I have experienced in life (both good and bad) have made me who I am, have lead me to this place where I am right now. And I think I'm happy here, and things can only get better. I would never want to give up anything I have experienced in this life, and especially not the people I have surrounded myself with. And, I'm willing to believe that most of my friends would feel the same...so can I just, take a different option and like, drop the do-over card in the street for some poor homeless man to find and use so that he becomes rich or something?
I have this new lotion, and it smells so good that every time I use it, I wish I could bone myself...

In other news!! I hung out with Paul and a group of his friends on Friday night. It was quite possibly one of the most hilarious nights of my life. Crazy stuff went down, haha. We ended up at Foster's, which is super ritzy or something, and stayed after hours, drinking and smoking pot with the bar staff. At which point in the night, I'd been talking with Paul in some dark corner or something, and he asked if he could kiss me...I felt like such a lady, having someone ask permission to kiss me. He was super sweet all night. He kept telling me that I was cute, that he loved being close to me, that my smile gave him butterflies, and all sorts of other wonderfully mushy and adorable things that like, real boys don't ever say.

And whenever his friends would be really obnoxious, or he would mention someone who was not there, he would say, "You'll get used to them" or "You'll meet him". Which made me feel like he was hoping, and/or expecting, that I would be around for a while...which was really just...great.

My friend Amy, from the Aquadome, knew immediately after seeing me Saturday that something had happened with him. This is going to be great, I can tell already....I can't even begin to describe how fantastically happy I am.

Mar. 4th, 2010

COLON MUTHAFUCKEN CAPITAL D, MAN. :D

Still totally not a big enough grin. I am just....thrilled. I feel like I'm going to explode. I haven't been able to stop smiling since last night, when Paul responded to my message. He liiiiikes me. Has been planning to ask me out ever since he read my first story, but kept chickening out, he says. GUH. He's adorable. And totally willing to indulge me and plan the date since I admitted that I am super bad at that because I've only ever done it like, once before.

He also said he's super busy, like all the time always, but will definitely make time for this no matter what. And that right there nearly killed me. Adam never bothered to make time for me. If there was free time, I was invited to share it with him, but I was never important enough for him to want to make time for me. Which I guess might be a little bit selfish, but it always kind of made me feel...unwanted? And here, right off the bat, Paul says he's willing to create a time that we can get together, so that's just like...a good sign, I guess? And it feels great.

He said I have nice eyes, and that the fact that I'm a good writer is incredibly sexy. SEXY. Boys have complimented me before, but no one has ever used the word "sexy" when talking about me. And that also feels GREAT.

He also said it was really attractive that I was confident enough to have made the first move. HAHAHA. If only he knew how fantastically nervous and utterly falling apart I'd been in the half hour I spent staring at my typed message before hitting send, and then the four hours I spent obsessively checking my email to see if he had responded...

SMILE SMILE SMILEY JESSIE.
I mayyyyyy have admitted to Paul that I have a giant crush on him...and by that I mean, we had been talking about how we spent our Saturday night, and mine had been spent first playing True Blood drinking games with Ted, Joe and Brendan, then drunkenly attempting to send Paul various facebook messages (mostly along the lines of "i'm drunk and you should probably ask me out soon"), and then hugging Ted's toilet.

I left out the part about the facebook messages....well, left out the fact that they were meant for him, and just mentioned that I was glad I had not figured out how to send them from mobile facebook. But then he asked what I'd been trying to send...and I planned on asking him out the next time we saw each other anyway...so I just did it, and admitted that I had been trying to let him know I wanted to date him or whatever.

It was the most incredibly awkward message I've ever written...full of ellipses and I had started with rambling, vague sentences and eventually decided to just come out and admit that I like him.

And now I am waaaaiiiiiiting for him to respond. And it's freaking me the fuuuuuck out. And I hope I did not ruin everything...


C'mooooon 2010, keep on rocking...please?

Feb. 27th, 2010

So on Valentine's Day, my parents decided to let my sister and me know that they're getting divorced. I mean, I've seen it coming for a long time. Like, since fifth grade, pretty much...and I know it's for the best and all...but it's still pretty rough.

I think, mostly, I'm scared for my future. Not my future as it will be affected by this divorce but...I think I'm just terrified that I won't be with one person, loving one person, for my entire life. I've always been so sure that I would find the one, and that we would always love each other, and share a life together. Now, not so much. Now I'm terrified that won't be the case.

Which, I guess is a little bit hypocritical when you consider this: When I think of what I want, in terms of what I want my relationship with my future husband to be like, I always, unfailingly, think of my Aunt Eugenie and Uncle Patrick. They are so clearly in love, and they have their problems, yes, but they work them out in such a fair, calm, manner (for the most part). Seeing them together always reinforces my belief that there is truly one person out there for everyone, and that I will find what they have.

But they've only been together for eight years, and Aunt Eugenie has been married twice before. So I know it's possible to find what I want to find, and I also know that sometimes it just takes a little longer, and maybe you make a few mistakes along the way.

But I don't want to make those mistakes. I don't want to wake up one day and realize the person I thought was the one, isn't. I don't want that at all. I just want to find them and keep them and have them for as long as I possibly can.

I guess, really, I just want a fairytale. :|

Sigh. Maybe this is breaking me up a little more than I thought it would.

Also, why the fuck would they think it was a good idea to tell us this on Valentine's Day?!